How long should foreplay last? What should it consist of? How to spice up foreplay? There are many questions about this on the web. It is worth asking questions. But the truth is that most of them should be answered by ourselves in terms of our likes and dislikes!
What is foreplay
Many people think that foreplay is important to women first and foremost. That is why it would be appropriate to redefine it. The definitions are important in this case. It is worth asking ourselves or ourselves, as well as the people with whom we are going to sleep with, how we understand sex in general and what our sexual needs, desires and fantasies are. And in the case of foreplay, a lot of questions are whether we consider sex to be only penetration or whether we think sex is a more complex matter, changing, fascinating and arousing . Because well, such penetration is a very precise act. And yet sex also includes the entire shell before and after penetration. It’s not just the genitals that are involved. Touch, kisses, but also words, conversations about what you want and don’t agree to are what counts. Seduction, flirting. Sometimes it only ends (or as much as) with oral sex, kissing, neck massage. And that may be enough to make you feel satisfied. Sex does not always have to be a routine activity, a sequence of specific movements. It’s not about eating to your heart’s content and it’s always the same. That is why it is worth developing a sexual fantasy, igniting passion in various ways.
In general, foreplay, especially in heterosexual couples, is usually a short series of caresses to get the woman wet, to start lubricating. Some kisses, maybe clitoral stimulation and time for “real” sex, which is, in general, penetration glorified mainly by pop culture.
Long foreplay is desirable during sex
I admit that I have a problem with dividing sex into right and wrong, better and worse. I am opposed to deprecating caresses, erotic word games or non-penetrative sex and considering them as elements of foreplay. I believe that these are full-fledged sexual activities that give a lot of room for maneuver and can be used before penetration, between one act of penetration and the next, or after it. Or instead. So it is often difficult to draw a line where foreplay ends and “proper” sex begins. And very well. The point is that we like it and not name it specifically. Our need to divide, name, and label can be a (auto) trap. It makes us less mindful or attentive, and we feel pressured to seek penetration by neglecting everything else.
All this, however, does not mean that foreplay does not exist and is not needed, but should be seen more broadly, as a certain context that allows sex to occur. Because sex – whether it’s in a relationship or one-off encounters- usually doesn’t happen spontaneously. Of course, at the beginning of the relationship, in the first stage of falling in love, hormones contribute to our constant desire for sex. But it’s best to count on yourself. And take care of the “sleeping with” or “foreplay” that begins long before the intercourse. Especially when it comes to long-term relationships, it is useful to maintain an erotic bond, to build an atmosphere that will allow us to have sex despite the problems related to the familiarity of living together.
In general, everyday warm gestures, such as kisses or tender touch, can be supplemented with elements on which romances are based: sending each other erotic messages, photos. But also write sex on your calendar. I am a fan of this method. It works well for busy people – not only those in relationships. We plan various things, let’s also plan sex – of course, without pressure and with the possibility of postponing or canceling a meeting. Even if we fail to add a date to it (a dinner with a conversation, which we will feel like at the first meeting and start flirting, or maybe a bath – the field to show off is huge), some special attraction, the same look at the calendar and see that we have a (sex) meeting in the evening, it is usually exciting, we start to fantasize, we think what to try this time, what underwear to put on. On this wave, we can start writing spicy messages to our partner or partner.
Ah! And of course, such foreplay can and should accompany solo sex. You can tune into self-love in advance, think about the pleasures that we can give ourselves, feed on eroticism , also enter dates with ourselves in the calendar and get ready for them.
Foreplay and women’s lubrication
Let us also consider why foreplay is considered a “female” affair. The thing is, it takes a woman more time to get physically aroused and to be ready for penetration so that the lubrication of the genitalia is favorable for this rapprochement. And yes, many women do. But here we are again dealing with narrow understanding of sex and reducing it solely to penetration. It is worth realizing that what counts above all is individual reactions and preferences, as well as a specific situational context. Plus, you might be wet and not want to have sex at all. Anything. You can also use a lubricant if you don’t get adequate hydration and you want to have sex here and now. Well, the body and the head are not always compatible and it should be taken into account. So here we can come back to questions about what foreplay is, what it should consist of, and how long should it last. You have to answer them individually and then talk about them together. Define foreplay and sex according to your needs, don’t limit yourself, don’t think about patterns, but about your own pleasure. Test different fuses, surprise yourselves, lead the way into temptation.
A lubricant is a good friend, it helps to avoid abrasions, supports natural hydration and is useful not only for penetration, but also for stimulating other intimate parts or parts of the body in general. When there’s a glide it’s usually nicer.
Why foreplay is important during sexual encounters
If we understand foreplay quite broadly (just as I suggest broadly understanding sex), it turns out to be a large field for showing off and an important element of a sexual encounter, not a compulsory point, something compulsory conditioned by physiology, which needs to be taken care of (and often boils down to drumming) against “proper” sex, that is, penetration.
It is not just women than need foreplay, men too need it. They want caresses exploring not only their genitals but also other parts of their bodies. So all kinds of caresses and word-body games that are considered “warm-up” is something that gives us pleasure, regardless of gender, and depending on individual preferences. So it is worth paying more attention to them and treating them on a par with “traditional” sex. Our sexual repertoire can be expanded all our lives ( if only consensual ) and only the limits of our imagination can stand in our way.
So why do we need foreplay? To ignite desire and fan its flame, to go beyond the scheme, to train fantasy so that sex is not a repetitive sequence of movements but a constant adventure. So that we still want to grow it.